Questions two and three
2. You write that he has a wife, and I gather from what you say about him that his wife is aware that he takes lovers. Does she know about you specifically, or just know that he has a lover? Is he polyamourous? Are you? If so, are you accustomed to being the secondary? If not, do you really feel OK about the fact that he has other partners or is it bothering you on a deeper level?
Oh, the uncomfortable subject gets addressed here. Yes, he has a wife. And from what I understand I am the first lover that he has had since he was married (over a decade). She knows about me of course, and wants to meet me, which is a frightening prospect. I dont know how much detail she knows about me. She knows my name and where I live, she knows how we met. She doesnt know what I look like. Beyond that, Im not sure and Im not going to ask. He says he is not polyamourous, and I dont think I am. It was definitely not my intention to involve myself with someone who is married (although it wan’t a barrier, and love, wasn’t thinking about that either), but here I am and Im willing to be a bit passive about it. For now. Does it bother me? Sometimes not at all, I can separate my relationship with him from his relationship with her. Sometimes all the time, I can be jealous and catty and unreasonable about it. That I keep to myself. But mostly I just chalk it up to my tendency to get involved with somehow unavailable or inappropriate men. That is what bothers me.
3. Who should you have broken up with (ref April 24th What I should Have Done) J or Him or * or someone else? You say you are in love with someone else who is that?
I should have broken up with J. Although I havent heard from him in a few weeks, so maybe saying the words wasnt necessary. I am in love with the one I met in
Berlin. Who I shouldnt be with either. And might not be for much longer. How much more of this can I take?
